The don't know thing continues with me. Hurt I am still as always from all the directions homework companionship love everywhere no one is mine. Still I live and wish I could pray to god and be good. I know no one is bad its just that god is in everyone and I still wait for that god to be met with. Where do I look for him I really have no clue. I cry and sob then gather I revolt complain shout and yell then I see no change and move on. life has been just too bad. Still I have everything in life but human souls who are for me are always missing. Not even a single life human being with me and that makes me so abnormal from all normal living people.
Why life is so upsetting. Prasad called for odd lights and has already used osram led dls however. thats my fate. Another man called for bulbs and another one for candles. Lets see if i get some things. Possibly some orders some money.
Will Plan the new process publicity is easy if money is available and simultaneously I need people and without people nothing happens. I know god as always been a little merciful to send money from wherever whenever its required.
Babaji at manikaran said I am going hands full gave me sukhmani sahib and gurudwara neeam sahit to be done and I am still wondering whats to happen. Its 5pm I called and Replied to almost everyone and still.
And now its another day. Wondering how people give a commitment and run out of it, they give a relation and walk out of it, they make a promise and land up in a soup, life has never been more complicated, its however strange and becomes more and more complicated every time. The pain is griever deeper and stronger than ever before. Every Time I am hurt I feel what could be worse and then there is another griever sorrow to strike and one more. I think i'm becoming stronger to tolerate but reality is i'm getting more and more broke.
I have lost my toleration, I have lost my life, my youth is now close to ending at least 18 years of the possibly most colourful life has gone in a struggle to have a companion, oh ya a true companion and definitely met at least 18 people in these 18 years or more who could have been good enough to me but every time there was a breakdown. 35 yrs and I'm still all alone. No one says i'm around, and if someone does he soon becomes a liar. Trust god and ya he is not a lier. at least until now not one man worth the trust I put in, not one man who could let me forget that pain worry woes or anything. Life does not belong its just long.
LONG HOW LONG DON'T KNOW.
Wish I knew what now and what next and as always I don't know nothing how unpredictable each moment is to me, just to confirm no moment is my own and yet I belong to this life cant say my life its just life and not mine by any means or terms as I see till now. This life has never been mine not even for I live it.
Why life is so upsetting. Prasad called for odd lights and has already used osram led dls however. thats my fate. Another man called for bulbs and another one for candles. Lets see if i get some things. Possibly some orders some money.
Will Plan the new process publicity is easy if money is available and simultaneously I need people and without people nothing happens. I know god as always been a little merciful to send money from wherever whenever its required.
Babaji at manikaran said I am going hands full gave me sukhmani sahib and gurudwara neeam sahit to be done and I am still wondering whats to happen. Its 5pm I called and Replied to almost everyone and still.
And now its another day. Wondering how people give a commitment and run out of it, they give a relation and walk out of it, they make a promise and land up in a soup, life has never been more complicated, its however strange and becomes more and more complicated every time. The pain is griever deeper and stronger than ever before. Every Time I am hurt I feel what could be worse and then there is another griever sorrow to strike and one more. I think i'm becoming stronger to tolerate but reality is i'm getting more and more broke.
I have lost my toleration, I have lost my life, my youth is now close to ending at least 18 years of the possibly most colourful life has gone in a struggle to have a companion, oh ya a true companion and definitely met at least 18 people in these 18 years or more who could have been good enough to me but every time there was a breakdown. 35 yrs and I'm still all alone. No one says i'm around, and if someone does he soon becomes a liar. Trust god and ya he is not a lier. at least until now not one man worth the trust I put in, not one man who could let me forget that pain worry woes or anything. Life does not belong its just long.
LONG HOW LONG DON'T KNOW.
Wish I knew what now and what next and as always I don't know nothing how unpredictable each moment is to me, just to confirm no moment is my own and yet I belong to this life cant say my life its just life and not mine by any means or terms as I see till now. This life has never been mine not even for I live it.
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